If you’ve asked yourself how to become a happier person, this is already a very good sign. Happiness is not something that happens to us by chance. Being happy is an achievable and learnable skill, which requires constant work on your attitude and depends on how you interpret your life situation. Happiness is largely a matter of choice. And it is probably the smartest life choice you can make. Recent studies show that happy people are 35% less likely to die early than unhappy ones! I am not going to lie since my seperation from my husband my life hit an all time low...I mean low is putting it mildly... The kids constantly crying, teacher meetings to tell me that two of my daughters cry when they think of Mommy and Daddy not being together and being a family.... Any sane mother, would go INSANE after that. I cried and still do! Do not feel as though ok 6 months went by time to get over it.
No no no....I still cry...Almost EVERYDAY... But you have to come to a realization point... (which is something I learned in a course I took at Yale with Dr. Santos, called the psychology of true happiness... try it!! turned my outlook all around, I found that course with many others on Coursea.com) And here is the realization point: " if you are going to lay down and give up?... Let your kids see you struggle and pretty much die inside??????, OR take what has happened WEAR THAT SH*T, and pick yourself up!!! Dust Off, and fight for your happiness. Learn to love yourself...Because as Corny as it sounds you really have to know and LOVE YOURSELF before you can ever give that kind of devotion to anyone else...Now, if you and your partner do not love each other anymore, and can look at each other in the eye and truly mean it..... than by all means Walk with your head held high and take it as a learning experience, and just focus on your children.
Learn new things, try new things and as the transformation of yourself happens your tears will lessen and lessen...But if there is any part of you that thinks your marriage or relationship especially with Children can be salvaged, than GIRL, JUMP RIGHT IN AND DON'T LOOK BACK! Both of you go in slate clean as bad as it has been or was, and keep your family together. But ALSO the only way to do that is to transform yourself to a strong women and mother...A not so much different women or mother just an all around more knowledgeable, confident and strong... I am only speaking from my own personal situations. I love my husband. That was never the issue. The issues were many things on my part and his. But if you are going to keep your family together as your new transformed self, YOU HAVE TO LET THE PAST GO!! It will eat at you if you don't and you will end up back to square one with the waterfall full of tears everyday. I am still a work in progress, I feel like I am almost there. ALMOST. And when that time comes is when I will have to look at my husband and say we vowed through the GOOD, the BAD and the UGLY...I am stronger and wiser from the past, I want my family together and an absolute 100% clean SLATE and be a family.,(And when I say family I mean just YOU , YOUR SPOUSE AND CHILDREN AS ONE TEAM!! No one else, YOUR FAMILY)...or we are going to have to look at each other and say F*ck It...either way it is another kind of like badge to WEAR that makes you , YOU!! So if you can save your marriage and family DO IT!!! Everyone makes mistakes, everyone falls and gets hit, but you have to be able to get hit and get back up..
Remember your children never asked to be brought into this world, let alone have a family one minute and then it is taken away because two grown adults can't get it together.....I will never forget the last nine months of my husband moving out of the house, the tears every night especially my son crying and begging for his dad to come sleep with us...Or the time my oldest daughter (which I truly think it has effected her more than I will ever know) had all her friends over since I was over compensating any and every way I knew how for them. I knew the heartbreak they were in so I made sure literally every single day to keep them busy, but back to the quick story...She had her girlfriends at our house for a sleep over... and I heard one of the little girls ask her (Because she was looking at a picture of my husband and my kids I had hanging on the wall) OMG " You have a Dad??" And my daughter says with this tone of utter shock that question or shall I say comment came out of her friends mouth... And I hear my daughter say "YES I have a Dad", he just travels for work, but my parents aren't divorced or anything!! I felt a piece of me die inside... Heartbreak is not even the word, I had to walk outside for a good ten minutes to get myself together.
Looking back at those gut wrenching times and I still do, has made me stronger as a mother, wife and women. Oh does it kill you, .But once you know yourself, all your flaws, mistakes, and grow from it, This is the part when marriage/relationships will have the ability not only to make it but to make it stronger and better than ever..., but YOU took that VOW..So I will say it once more, if you have gone through the process' of getting to know your full self and love yourself ,there should be nothing or anything that can brake your relationship. It is going to take time, and work...Try and act as if you two were dating at the beginning...You know the little things. The little cute texts, or notes....I still have every single note my husband ever wrote me...Even the one on napkins..LOL...As I get closer to the end of this journey of finding true authentic happiness and love for myself, and fully except the trials, and mistakes I made.Grow from them, I guess we shall see.... but every Psychologist in the world will tell you what a Divorce or Break up does to a child... So own it, accept it, get over it, and stick it out...OR... Walk away with your head and Crown Held High, Have gratitude for the beautiful child/ children you have and on to the NEXT....<3
#work at it
# Good and Bad
#Let it Go
* A great book of resources for Children and Separation/Divorce is by John Finch "The Father Effect"*